Wednesday, January 25, 2012

right now at this very moment

i heard this morning on the radio that Etta James died last friday...this is my favorite song, i love her confidence, i wish i could borrow some of it right now

right this very minute, i'm getting ready to present about Relational-Cultural Theory to the Idaho Counseling Association.... LT and the kids are watching TV, and everyone is full from a good dinner of frybread and roast beef (yeah, healthy, i know.)

my bags are packed, but i'm working on my powerpoint, making changes, doubting myself and the audacity of a student presenting to a group of people who have more experience and more letters after their names

i'm worried about my size....about judgement, disconnection, and my ability to convey my message: a message that is, after all, so close to my heart and has a good chance of being dismissed by people afraid of change

i keep going over a quote by Audre Lorde's in Sister Outsider:

" is not those differences
between us that are separating us. It is
rather our refusal to recognize those dif­ferences, and to examine the
distortions which result from our misnaming them and their effects upon human
behavior and expectation."

Monday, January 2, 2012

today I took down my tree

this year, my tree didn't stay decorated.
My little E and J spent weeks deconstructing the decorated tree
breaking ornaments, losing pieces, and adding their own

taking it down today made me think...

about new starts, decisions, and the future.

I've been hanging on to the past, using the same ornaments every year, even though I've changed.

losing control helped me let go
of things I didn't love
but thought I had to hold on to
and decide which things I really love: it forced me to choose

today, I kept what I really love, threw out what was tired, and created a new start.

I bought this lovely a few years ago, after Christmas sale at Joann's.  She still makes my heart sing :)

I wasn't going to do any resolutions, but taking down the tree got me thinking.

In 2012 I will...
have fun
be bold
be me
rock the boat
be grateful
have a voice
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